I've decided that I really like quotes. they're  a look into someone elses thoughts. they're words to laugh at, to share, to be empathetic with. I should probably be asleep...its 9:45 but today we didnt have school so it should be ok to be up. plus first period is a movie and i have had a lot on my mimd lately. this is one of the first days in a long time that I am fairly satissfied with myslef. which probably means im at the peak of depression? haha. im satisfied with myself. when i shouldnt be at all...thats y im probably depressed. but whatever.

ive shrugged off a lot of things in my life. i let go of a lot of ideas and dreams more often than other people...easier than most. but for some reason when someone asked me what animal i am most like i said a donkey. a jack ass. no i dont mean im an ass. i mean it in the reason im stubborn. kind of ironic for a person who gives up their dreams and ideas. but really i am a donkey. im stubborn in regards to my views on other people but not on myslef. i focus too much on other people. maybe so i dont focus on myself. i am a walking hypocrite. its time for me to be honest with myself. and it hurts. but its right. but back to the whole donkey thing..im not saying its bad that im stubborn. well somtimes it is. but its not bad when u truly believe in something with all your heart and u never waver from it no matter who your talking to. being stubborn means u shouldnt be ashamed of what ur stubborn for. it takes determination to be an ass. its a compliment. when ur an ass for the right reasons.

in truth were all hypocrites.evryone. at least once in their life. but im sure more than once. and we all know it but we never admit to it. if ur not depressed or anything and ur willing to look at urself and make changes. make a list...heres mine:

 (ie. love actually pic in regards to mandy moore movies expressed later in entry)

this week has been...interesting. reflective. and yesterday the week was deep. a ton of new choices. new exciting choices for my life. that some may be for the worst. and i will try them anyway. why? curiosity. and yes i can help it. but i wont.

for anyone who cares to know the sony ericcson blue phone is immposible to break. IMMPOSIBLE. so if ur looking for a durable phone i suggest you purchase that one. i should know...

in regards to the title of the entry i am refering to one specific girl, by code name, Timbuctu (but it was something else like that before...(monica lol)) Timbuctu is not persay the prettiest person in the world, some think shes pretty but her face is a little chubby and majority agrees she has a rather strange body. however she is funny, witty, and not scared. well maybe not witty. but shes...her. she is a flirt. and apparently guys like flirts? go figure. they dont like us girls who stand in the back say what we have to say at sometimes to them but otherwise miss out. and its not like the girls who mis out arnt cool..their awesome! actually cooler in somecases. (no im not talking about myself in all respects) its just when it concers the guy you like u are inhibited to act like u usually do. and its frustrating. then the flirty girl entrs. timbuctu. and then she takes control of the situation taking all the actions u wish u were as comfortable to take. so the girls on the outside give up. and once again timbuctu wins.

today is going to be a bad day. i pretty much knew that from the second i woke up. i have so much going on. annoyance. i wish god would hurry up and come...please!

if you told me my mom died i probably wouldnt believe you. that or i would say finally! and then i would start crying hysetrically. some people dont understand y i react the way i do. maybe im extremely sarcastic. i can help it i know but for now if makes the pain less. for evrything. people tell me not to make excuses for my sarcasim, crude sarcasim, in the wrong places at the wrong times. but you know what. thats how i deal. so sorry! dont like it thats ur problem.

since i havent written in here for awhile and ive received complaints i decided its time to conjor up a little something...maybe i could talk about something popular, something evryone is talking about although most of the time its bomastic or just plain "going w/ the flow" its something everyone is talking about...what could it be?

sidenote: underneath the beautiful contradiction and organic sunshine that is the name for my blog. when i open it up it says unseen. unseen. from what people sometimes percept me to be. this song is an anthem for the people expericencing it. (ie. me, JEN, kathryn, sam)

unseen

ah! i want to run away. im so tired of the people i care about the most not caring.
i love sometimes. or i feel i do. i go insane.

if only i could get through to you. its like your not listening when my heart screams. unseen.

i saw you in the hall today. evrything is the same. you don't see me.
it hurts worse than a knife. to see those beautiful eyes. your hair was down today, i love it like that.

mysterious and kurt cobain like i wish you saw me like i am. but i remain unseen. unseen.

crying out angry for carelesness. i let so many chances pass me by..
oh please forgive me. let me be seen. let me be seen. let me be seen?

unseen.

COPYRIGHT

a lot more dramatic than the situation is but i fits so well to the chords i wrote for it! (if u wanna hear the chords call jens awn. machine =D )

 

what irony?
  the irony that
    in my own journal
      i cannot write what
         makes me most happy
          ...or most sad. too afraid
            what i might say may be
               too much. i might hurt a
                certain persons feelings or,
                  i dunno. 

thats the irony of it all.



with that off my mind lets get straight to buisness. today was a beautiful day except for the morning and for the fact all states was cancelled. oo i really got 2 go 2 the potty brb. back! *relief* (jk...no really) ok that was longer than a potty break. in that interval i also went talked on the phone to jenn for an hour or so and moni for about 10 min. i still have to study for a l.a. quiz but that wont take too long. good.

back. back to all states. back to the fact we didnt. go. all states is a huge honor and i was selected 10th out of 12girls in the whole program (jen 1st out of the whole program!!) to go audition in the final audtions. a huge honor. but at the last minute our field trip wasnt approved and we didnt go. bummer. more than a bummer it just stunk. bad. but it was ok. it was nice to ride the bus home again and go to 6th PERIOD!! that was the best. relief.

we were supposed 2 leave at 12:30 today 4 allstates. no go. but the show must go on. jen and i went to lunch. there has been something ive been leaving out every entry due to paranoia about codename: skid (s=spanish so spanish kid) skid is this kid.....well write me an email or comment if u want the whole story. (kathryn hes the kurt cobain) ne way he was alone and his girlfiend?exgirlfriend?friend?= were not sure what she is but w/e she wasnt with him. we were going to say hi but she came. icky poo poo. (lol) lunch proceeded and bell rang. lets go. rain pour.

the rain came down so bad we didnt go out to the portables, the last band of rain from jeanne. sweet. we went to the gym where i sat by myslef "on the outside looking in on you" (jewel). well rather i was sitting by myself near friends praying clasena would come and in the meantime observing skid. sad. clasena came and i filled her in on skid. she knew the girl, the girl was in her class. yay! she wanted us to go up to the posse of theirs but no, i was too paranoid since she had made it obvious enough we were talking about them. paranoia will destoya. so. anyways. clasena decided she would get the "411" for me and ask the girl what she was in relation with skid. girlfriend? friend? exgirlfriend? this would cause moni, jen, me, sam, clasi, kathryn, and anymore who knew the pending situation much relif! time to commence. stop rain.

we were a half an hour late when we got to our portables. a nice tender sweet half an hour of no work. leaving almost two hours for clasena to do the dirty work. excitement. we would meet after class and exchange dirt then. class.........cue bell.

the exchange was more like a hand off. clasena handed off a note, kiss, and farewell. hurry. both. mostly her. bus.... i decided, while walking, to not open the note till i got to the bus. then i could open this top secret info with jen, sam, and moni there. i felt like a secret agent. but jen had to leave and moni was going with her, her mom had come to pick them up. so that left me and sam and we read the note. it gave us name, grade, and all the info we wanted. jennifer was MUCH, to say the least, extatic. the girl was in fact an ex girlfriend. i must say also much to my and sams excitement alike. look sam theres skid! out the window! bus pulls away.

slowly. bus pulls away slowly as to follow his exact pace so sam could get a mighty fine look. finally. this would be the second time she saw him but the first time officially. it was wonderful. funny. then faster.

we go fast puling away. it was time to go and we left skid. squeals of excitement could be heard. from our bus. (were dorks). as we rode by fast. really funny. i loved it.

a semi-perfect edge of grace afternoon.
                  

  
(note: thanx to kathryns inspiration and jens i will post a picture evryday to how im feeling...i mean y do live journals have to have all the fun??)

this week has made me weak. haha. no u dont have to laugh, that was really corny. anywho this week has been one of the hardest weeks ever with lots of laughs from jen and sam in between. thanks guys. this week showed me where i needed to improve and what things i need to work on. so much stress.

lets start from the starting point:

Friday:
   i wont go into school stuff but i was the first bible club meeting i stayed for after school this year. i was really fun and there was tis cool rockerish kid in front of me (sadly not cute..jk) who had jesus freak and quotes from the bible and all this cool stuff all over his bookbag. he was one of the most amazingly cool on fire christians ive evr met. i really look up to him and not only that hes a refe kid which is hard enough to be; he had to learn a new language and stand up when people made fun of his accent or his beliefs. really dy-no-mite kid. inspiration.
Saturday:
   i went to church that night after in the moring doning comm. service on the beach with sam and brooke. it was fun but tiring. we cleaned the becah for the sea turtles who have babies there, we wanted to make sure their seaturtle babies didnt get tangled or eat enyhting unsafe because already due to all the hurricanes we have had over 300 sea turtle babies lost; eggs not done hatching and crushed by the storm; really sad. it was a great feeling then that night sam and i went to church with sashi. it was alot of fun we ate quizones outside the church b4 service which was a new expericence. we learned about esther who was an amzing heroine in the bible. the story of standing up for what u believe in even though its amazingly hard and in esthers case although u might be killed. jen and moni didnt come but i had to leave kind of early anyway so it didnt matter. sam slept over too.
Sunday:
   Sam and i finally had a chance to sleep in after waking up at 4:50 evry morning. then we moped around till 2:00 until she began her essay for fishkin and i finished the online class work i didnt do before. then i got extremly upset about going to school the next day in dred of the idea i had to write my essay which was due on tuesday 2mrow. it was really a mopey day and depressing. not a good combo but then i went with sasha and aundi to voulenteer with the horses. i was wonderful and finidng the spots in the barn when the horse pees is really exciton in a strange way. ud understand if u only helped someday.

Monday:
   went to school (sadly) and slept on the bus a little. went to first period (pre cal) and learned stuff and got my big test back a "C" when the smartest peson in ur class gets a "B" a "C" is not bad at all. but not the best. a little dissapointing but i did not stress. just wanted to rhyme. anyway then we went to theory (one of my fave classes) and our teacher wasnt there so i did math hw due nxt class the whole time. lunch no mission accomplished but wor has it A and B have split. darn that paranoia. spanish was fine nothing big excapt a quiz i got an A- on... now the story begins. I got home from the bus at 3:40 and watched tv then ate all till like 5:00pm procrastnated on the phone till 6:00 and finally began my essay. wow, it took me long to write two paragraphs read it to several people and get it revised so i finished two paragraphs of a 5 paragraph paper at 10:00pm. sick. I finished 3/4 of my thrid paragrah at 12:00am and slept till 2:45am when i woke up to finish the rest. i worked until it was usually time for me to wake up and be ready so i threw some clothes on and gulped down breakfast to catch the bus. now i could sleep but the problem was after being up since 2:45 and getting 2hrs and 45min of sleep ur running on carbs and strange adreneline so ur oddly awake. o couldnt sleep on the bus. i bunced all over the walls talking like crazy and moving constanly. hyperactive. it wasnt till i got to fishkins class was i pooped and had the most boring time taking a fcat pretest that my brain could not comprehend correctly due to lack of sleep and then taking hideous ceaser notes. then i went to chemistry and had fun, beightol always cheers us up and we took notes and had fun actually learning a lot about matter and energy. then to chorus where i took my all staes exam the top twelve who pass the exam go to auditions for all staes and it was a huge deal. o spent the whole class on it and was supposed 2 fini it the nxt day due to my low comprehnsion level that day. after school we had drama club and i was chosen to do improv and i had fun. alot of fun! but i was dead tired when i got home but could not sleep cuz i had pre cal hw to finish and a quiz 2 study for the next day.

wow i have so much more to write but ive written so much, ill write more in the boredom of the hurricane or sumthin. not tht i dont have enough to do. oh btw were being hit on by jeanne in the nxt 24 hrs. and it will be harsh.

no worries mates.

Just to start off tonights blog, a little conversation with my wacky friend from zi-ON:

kathryn: COMMENT! i'm addicted to comments
kathryn: comments: my anti-drug
me: hahahahahahahahahaha
kathryn: so if you don't comment i'll be a stoner
kathryn: thats alot of pressure, i know
me: lmbo literally
me: so by the time im done ill have no butt
kathryn: haha
kathryn: that can be your anti drug
kathryn: I WILL BE your anti drug
kathryn: Katie's Wittyness: My anti drug
kathryn: we'll keep each other high on life only

anyway other than that nothings really happened in my life lately except for battling with pop ups and trying to fit all i want in my info of my aim with problems: A. my internet getting off B. I can't fit it all and C. I get ADD'd by pop ups..any the never ending war..and then removing twelve programs that are causing pop ups.then my pop up blocker saying "allowing pop ups" and etc. I really dont have that many but the two or three i do have are and EXTREME aggravation.


15 min. later after a trip downstairs---------------------------------

ok now im mad at my computer, peeved at my mom, and im extremly tired. maybe when u guys start waking up at 4:45 evry morning and going to bed at 11:00 evry night studying for tests u fail, and continue to write in ur blog all the time, THEN and only then can you complain to me about not wrtining in my blog enough but until then, i just dont have time, im stressed i need "me" time and im ticked off at the world.


bring on the nirvana spanish kid.

ok for those complete freaks like me who loved ten things I hate about you so much guess what? i got out of spanish 2day cuz our teachers not there and was online surfing for pictures for a header on the site from the movie and what did i find instead? a complete script of the movie!! how cool??!! well heres ONE of my favorite parts:

          EXT. BIKER BAR - NIGHT

          Michael and Cameron arrive on Michael’s dumpy motorbike and
          park next to a hard-looking cat on a heavy bike.

                              BIKER
                    Nice bike.

                              MICHAEL
                    Yeah?  You think so?

          The biker roars off without answering.


          INT. BIKER BAR - NIGHT

          Michael and Cameron make their way through the surly denizens
          of the saloon, who watch them in wonder.

                              CAMERON
                    Wow.  Is this what a bar looks like?

                              MICHAEL
                    Don’t touch anything.  You may get hepatitis.

          They head toward Patrick, who plays pool by himself.  As they
          pass another table, Michael picks up the eight ball, ruining the
          game-winning shot a tough guy is making, and tosses it back onto
          the table without realizing what he’s done.
         
                                 PATRICK
                    So what've you got for me?
         
                                 CAMERON
                    A little insight into a very complicated girl.
         
                                 MICHAEL
                    (to Patrick)
                    Just one question before we start: should you be
                    drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?
         
                                 PATRICK
                    What?!
         
                                 MICHAEL
                    Nothing.  Nothing.
         
                                 CAMERON
                    First thing: Kat hates smokers

          Cameron plucks the cigarette out of Patrick’s fingers and drops
          it on the floor.  Patrick isn’t pleased.

                                 PATRICK
                    You’re telling me I'm a -
                    (spits the word out)
                    "non-smoker"?
         
                                 MICHAEL
                    Yeah.  But just for now.
         
                                 CAMERON
                    And there’s another problem.  Bianca said that
                    Kat likes -- pretty guys.
         
          This is met with silence.  Then:
         
                                 PATRICK
                    Are you telling me I’m not a pretty guy?
         
                                 MICHAEL
                    He's very pretty!  He’s a gorgeous guy.
         
                                 CAMERON
                    I wasn't sure.  I didn’t know.


hahaha ya i loved that part.and the whole movie. well if uve seen the movie and love it and wanna c the script and laugh all over again or if uve never seen the movie go rent it!! then go to this site for the rest of the script: http://www.awesomefilm.com/script/tenthings_transcript.html yipee!! im so excited i found it!! well now off to chemistry...

Ps. I found willy wonka script too!! http://wonkadotcom.tripod.com/script.html